I Want to be Wrong

Is anybody else scared?

Most of the time, I'm ready to put on my aluminum foil hat at the drop of, well, a hat.

But I've been listening to the radio and the people that talk inside it.  Today I heard lots of words like, "tragedy" and "takeover".   I heard one man call another a killer.  Right there on the radio.  What the hell is happening?  I wonder if I'm the only one paying attention sometimes.   Like I'm the only one who is managing to shovel through the ocean of media miscomprehension to see what's really going on.  Jesus, I want to be wrong.  Maybe I'm just paranoid.

Paranoids say stuff like that, right?

I discovered more money in my bank account today than I thought I should of had.   I didn't know where the deposit had come from.  I had to check my account to be sure that I didn't forget about something.  Something that will cost me another $50 that I don't have because I didn't park correctly, somewhere.   When I realized it was money I'd just "forgotten" about, it was like finding money in a coat pocket.  Or birthday money.  I actually jumped for joy.

I really feel like there are good people to hate in this world, but I'm not really sure how to do it.  Though I sure try hard enough.  It's like how you sometimes think you need to be "harder", but you taught yourself how to feel pain, somewhere.  Now you can't hate anybody.  Only their ideas.   Mindgames for fun and profit.

What the hell will happen when the lights start going off?  When rolling blackouts stop being a curiosity, and start being dangerous.   When the sirens are on just to warn people, and not to help them anymore.  When your phone is dead.

What the hell will happen when people stop showering?  When their television is nothing more than an oddly shaped heavy box in the living room.   When girls start thinking about marriage again when they're 14.  What the hell are we gonna do?

Shit, I don't know if I've ever actually been truly hungry.  What happens when the fever takes over and the diarrhea won't stop?  When it changes color.  When birds stop singing and winds blow.  I have to remind myself that I know how to fish.  You can live on fish.  Ask anybody.

What is it going to be like when the midwestern cold becomes to dangerous?  When you go outside, and it bites you.  When the wolves howl, and the men talk in whispers and drink.  When the smell of your woman is on them.

When we're always too tired to think.

What are we going to do?