The Year That Wasn't

I hated 2008.

I really did.   I can't remember, in fact, thinking that I've actually ever been able to say that I'm GLAD that a year has passed.  As much as I bitch on this blug about stuff, you'd be surprised to know that, beneath my gruff exterior, I'm a pretty fucking optimistic guy.  At least, I like to think so, anyway.

This makes it all the weirder that I'd be happy to say so-fucking-long to an entire year.

I did some pretty cool stuff this year.  I mean I was totally self-employed for the first time.  That was awesome.   I really did a good job, too.   Well, that's over now.   With hope for any future incarnation of this specific dream ever being fulfilled.  That sucks.

All the political shit, all the no-fucking-money shit, all the unemployment shit, all the self-abuse and hatred shit, all the fucking fucking fucking SHHHIIIIIITT that I've had to deal with this year.  Just....  Just fuck it.  I am so happy to be moving on.

ALL HAIL 2009!  (I'll tell you in a year how it turned out.)

Happy Fucking New Year,

Elvis Chainsaw

MORE Fun With Facebook Friends

THE FOLLOWING IS A CONTINUATION OF LETTERS SENT BETWEEN ME AND A FRIEND FROM HIGH SCHOOL WHO IS A SELF-PROCLAIMED "BLOOD-BORN" CHRISTIAN.  WHATEVER THAT MEANS....  IF YOU'RE CONFUSED, GO BACK A POST AND CATCH UP.

Elvis,

Those are fair questions. I am not angry about you bringing that up. It actually is part of my testimony.

I was brought up in a Christian home, but didn't understand the faith that I was brought up in. To be honest with you, even after several years of church going my parents didn't even understand it. I was not a firm believer even after Chad died. It wasn't until I ran into some real men of faith that showed me what it really meant to be a man. They helped me understand that there has been a spiritual war going on since before the beginning of earth. That battle has now shifted to control our minds. I learned that Satan was banished from heaven, and came into this world to kill, steal, and the destroy John 10:10, and that Jesus came to give life and give it abundantly. Satan's number one goal is to get people to believe that he is not real. He hates God and all that He created including ALL men. He is a liar and a trickster, and is able to put thoughts into the minds of people to do careless and wrongful things, which may put them in bad situations that may cause them their lives or hurt others around them. For what reason you ask? To control your mind and the minds around you. To possibly influence you enough to put the blame on God for letting it happen. Here is the truth....God can not do anything on this earth without working through people (he gave dominion to man on this earth check out Genesis).

That night that my friend died, there was a group of us that were visiting a 'haunted' house, and soaping cars. The questions to this activity is; Is that a good thing to do? If we would have run that through our moral compass, would we have done that? Probably not. If we were not doing that, would [my friend] had died? Probably not.

With that in mind, to answer your questions, No, I didn't become a Christian before the accident, but I am glad I found the truth later. It helped me understand that it was not God's will to take [my friend's] life, and that although it didn't make things better, it did help me understand that I could make a good out of it.

I truely believe that you were created for greatness. You just should know that you have the ability to tap into a hidden power that most people don't even realize is out there. But, as I stated earlier in this message, you were given dominion and a free will to do what you want. That is the will of God.



MY RESPONSE:


Thanks for the frankness and openness of your response. It is really appreciated. It proves that you are not a jerk, above all else. (:

I felt really awful about saying that about [your friend], for fear that you would mis-interpret my meaning, and think that I was just trying to hurt you. I wasn't. Really. I had just written it four different ways already, and they all just seemed petty and angry. I guess that, ultimately, I was trying to gauge your commitment to your beliefs.

I wanted to see what kind of commitment you had to your faith, and now that I can see you are TRULY devoted to your spiritual choice, I want to tell you that I honestly respect it. I mean it. Your choices are yours, and mine are mine. Isn't that fundamentally fair?

Now, I'd like to ask you to show my choice of being an atheist the same respect.

Equating atheism with a negative connotation is EXACTLY the same as judging someone based on their sexual orientation, or their age, or the color of their skin. The disrespect you showed my choice of non-adherence to a religious doctrine was blatant bigotry. And, even if I'm an atheist, it still hurts to be insulted. I'm sure we can both agree that feelings are unrelated to one's doctrine.

Understand that I am not ignorant to the teachings of Christianity. In fact, I minored in religious studies while in college, simply out of my curiosity for the subject. And, those studies went far beyond the confines of the Christian religion. I have studied buddhism, taoism, judaism, islam, shinto, and more. It's not that I've "never found my spiritual voice", I just formed an opinion based on my knowledge-base, personal history, and "gut feeling". The same as you. We just arrived at a different place, that's all.

Also, keep in mind that I've been an atheist for over 10 years, and I've been "witnessed to" by some of the best. I am confident in my choice, and do not feel that I will ever waiver. So, any attempt to "bring me around" will be just plain insulting to me. In addition, I honor the choices you have made with your life, because I respect you. I always have.

That said, I'm not going to try and convince you otherwise. You don't have to worry that I'm going to "talk you out of being Christian". I just won't. It's not important to me. What is important is keeping you as a friend, and seeing you live your life in a way that makes you happy. That's what I believe in.

I've had this whole damn conversation a thousand times, it seems. A person finds out that I'm an atheist, and makes an attempt to show me where I went wrong along the way. It doesn't work, and eventually, you end up making enemies. It's just awful. Atheism is simply a choice not to believe. Whoever told you that atheism is a spiritual choice for folks who don't want to have morals is a dolt. It's hate-speech, simple as that. If I told somebody that if they didn't speak English, they were somehow LESS of a person and their morals were at question, I would be a dick. My choice of NON belief is a personal one, and one that does not make me less of a man, or less moral.

ON the other hand, if you want to have an extended drawn-out conversation about the benefits of adopting a dogma, I'd be happy to go on extensively about a variety of reasons formalized, organized, faith-based religion is inherently, scientifically, and socially flawed. But, if you are secure in your belief system, who am I to question it? Why should I care? It's your god, it's none of my business, right?

Exactly...

In addition, if you looked at my page, and my groups, and all the other FB crap that I've logged, you already know that I'm a left-wing moonbat politically and in practice. Liberalism is not a bad thing, regardless of what Limbaugh says. Our founding fathers were ALL labled "criminals" by the British, and their "liberal ideas" about starting their own country caused a fuckload of people to die while trying to establish America's Liberty. Mainly, I am a supporter of freedom. Freedom from lots of stuff that I'll be happy to tell you about if you want to hear it. If you don't, that's okay too.

So, all of that said, I would really appreciate you adding me as a "friend" again on Facebook. I know it sounds silly, but I enjoy seeing how you and your family are getting along, and want to make sure that if I ever visit Indiana again, we can go out and get a beer and talk about old times. I'd look forward to that. How about it?

Elvis

Thank You Jesus

THE FOLLOWING IS A LETTER SENT TO ME BY A GUY I KNEW IN HIGH SCHOOL. HE POSTED "athiest? Really? Are you GAY too?" ON MY FACEBOOK PAGE.
AFTER A CURT RESPONSE FROM ME, HE REPLIED WITH THIS LETTER.

WHAT A DOUCHE.

"Sorry about the message on your wall. I am still learning this whole thing on Facebook. Forgive me for my ignorance. No need to clear your spirituality with me or the point that you hang with gay people. That would not be my point at all. I just wanted to know if you were the same [Elvis] that I was a friend with in [Our Hometown] or if you had changed. I think I got my answer. I noticed that you had lots of controversial / liberal material on your home site and had to find out if it was real feelings or if you were just trying to get attention.

BTW....atheism is a spiritual religion, and the only reason that people believe that way is to allow themselves to live their lives with no moral standards with the peace of mind that based on the atheists religion there are no moral standards. With that in mind, they don't like it when people that live their lives with moral standards point it out to them.
[Elvis], hopefully someday God will reveal himself to you in a way that you will understand, and you will come to know the truth. As a friend, I will pray for you."

MY RESPONSE:


This is my fourth attempt at a response, and I'm getting to spent re-typing it, and just getting angrier and angrier.

I'll keep it simple this time.

I have a question about your adoption of the Christian faith.

Did you get religion before or after you ran over your friend with a truck and killed him? Did it make everything okay again?

Better yet, did it bring him back?

"God's will", I guess, eh?


Gosh, what a mean thing for me to say! I guess I'm "living my life with no moral standards".


Glass houses, dude.


[Elvis]

Cheating Bastard

THE FOLLOWING IS A LETTER WRITTEN TO AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE WHO JUST FOUND OUT HER HUSBAND HAS BEEN CHEATING ON HER.  HE TELLS HER HE IS IN LOVE WITH THIS OTHER WOMAN, AND IS LEAVING (MAYBE) HER AND HER SPECIAL NEEDS DAUGHTER.  JOE (HIS REAL NAME) IS A FUCK.

What the fuck?

Just caught up with your FB feed.

WHAT THE FUCK?

Not that I know even an smidgen of the whole story, and any of this situation is none of my goddamn business, but I love you guys, even though it's been a long time since I saw you two, the news hurts. Fucking hell.

So if any of this is "stepping over the line" just tell me, and I'll shut the fuck up. My boundaries have always been challenged.

Seems like everyone is offering their help to you. And GOOD FOR YOU making it public. Some folks think that airing personal stuff like this on FB is wrong, but when it comes to a PROVEN cheating spouse, it is TOTALLY appropriate. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Ol Joe fucked up, and SHOULD be humiliated.

Publicly.

Without restraint.

Often.


All of that said, I've been through a whole bunch of shit dealing with relationships/marriage/etc. over the years, and have gone through a shitload of therapy in the process, so let me know if you want to unload on somebody who is of relatively no consequence who will listen to you. AND actually have something to offer in return. XXX-XXX-XXXX Anytime. Really.

Here's a little advice. If you don't want it, stop reading. Really. Skip over it, and read what I wrote for you further down. Really. It is probably bad advice anyway. Nothing is worse than assholes offering you advice when you're freaking out. Especially if you KNOW it already. Some of the stuff I'm gonna tell you is really mean-spirited too, but you'll want to hear it. Most of it sounds really mean, but, in the end, you will be glad you did it. This stuff is reality-based and just for you. It will help you if you want to REALLY take control of the whole situation until your wits are about you again. Finding out your spouse is a CHEATING FUCK will unfortunately make you lose your mind. Been there, know that. My ex cheated on me for just over a year with a WOMAN! I was...my heart was...dead.. because of it. I'm not sure I ever totally recovered from her cheating. The rest of the abuse I went through with the Ex paled in comparison to her cheating on me. It was the worst.

Take control and don't let it go. Here is a ONE MONTH PLAN:



ADVICE ADVICE ADVICE ADVICE ADVICE ADVICE ADVICE ADVICE

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-First, you need to tell Joe that you won't be speaking to him for a month. Tell him he's not to come around. If he comes around, you'll take the kids and disappear. You really will. Say it so he believes it. Women have a great ability to make guys believe stuff by just making eye contact and holding it. Use this.
-GO FUCK SOME REALLY HOT 20 YEAR OLD WITH A GIANT DICK IMMEDIATELY. I'm not kidding. Take a whole night. Grudge-fuck that random young guy until you can't walk. You got a free pass, use it. You will still be in control of the situation when it is over. I promise. It will also take the sting out of being cheated on. It works. It will get your head screwed on while you're getting it screwed off. If you don't remember how to seduce a random guy, it's easy. You find some guy you already know casually, and tell him the abridged version of the story. Hand him a box of condoms and tell him to fuck the shit out of you. Say these words (they are very important): "I don't want to make a big deal about this, I just want to fuck you. That's all. Just one night. Are you man enough to deal with it?" If he's young, dumb, and full of cum, he'll reply, "Yes, Ma'am!" He really will. If he passes, find somebody else. Young stupid hot guys are everywhere. I've been on both sides of this scenario, and it is always rewarding. Really. ONLY DO THIS ONCE.
-become comforatble with the idea that you will fucking hate Christmas for the next 10 years, or so. AND, Joe will NOT see the kids this Christmas. Super mean, but NECESSARY.
-change your computer account passwords. Immediately.
-EMPTY your joint checking/bank/credit accounts, save for the absolute minimum to keep the account current. Open new ones. Clean out the ones you have in CASH and hide that shit in a box. it's all yours forever. This is called "fuck you money" and you need some. Save it. Joe should be broke immediately. He should have no credit immediately. He should be locked outside in the cold soaking wet with no shoes, 'cause that's how you feel right now.
-change the locks. Sounds stupid, but it will keep you from coming home to find that Joe has come and removed a bunch of stuff from the house that is yours. BECAUSE... Now, that he's a dipshit, IT'S ALL YOURS. FUCK HIM.
-set your cellphone to "silent" with NO vibrate and stop answering it for a month. Disconnect your home line if you have one. Check the cell every couple hours (providing you are not waiting on a call for/about/from kids) for messages. Then, answer only the ones that are NOT from him. Don't listen to his messages. It will be hard, but when you hear his voice, just delete it. Otherwise, your head will not be clear in a month. Or better yet, shut your cell down, and get another one.
-have a place you can take kids at the drop of a hat 24 hours a day with no questions asked. Do this often for the next month. Go see a movie. Stay home and get drunk. Drive to Chicago and see the museums for a weekend. Whatever. Your support people (and you DO have them) will understand. After the first month, they will get bitchy, so you got one good month of "pawn off the kids so I don't take out my emotional aggression on them" pass to use. Use it. I'm serious.
-During this month, shut Joe out completely. Really. It sucks for the kids especially, but you will need that time before you will finally start talking with him. The kids will forget about it. Just keep them in the dark. They don't need to know. Daddy's working in NJ, that's all. He's very busy. Hey, it worked for kids all through the 1950's - 1970's, right? No calls, no dinner, no discussions, no email, no bullshit. He forfeited that when his penis was inside somebody else. Same goes for contact with the kids. Really. Fucking mean, but necessary. It's only a month.
-After a full month of separation (NO CONTACT AT ALL) agree to meet with him somewhere that holds no "memories" for either of you. Someplace neutral. Someplace where there is no booze. The Library is a good place because it's public, and because you have to stay relatively quiet. And, there's ample parking. Also, make sure you are not all PMS'd out for this meeting. Schedule it for a different week if possible.
-Once you meet, have divorce papers ready and UNSIGNED. Even if you still might be considering taking him back. Show them to him. Make sure he knows your ass is totally serious about divorcing him and fucking his life up. Tell him these words. "I am going to fuck your life up, get comfortable with the idea." Indiana is a GREAT state to be divorced in if you're a female. Sounds crass, but it's pretty true. If you don't believe me, ask my mom.
-learn to hold a grudge, if you don't already.
-AND, if he's as much of a shit as to muscle you out of any goddamn thing, pay somebody to break his legs. I'm totally serious about this. It should only cost you a couple of thousand dollars. Surprisingly, you won't have to look far to find somebody to cripple him. Find someone who can keep his mouth shut. Sometimes stupid guys like us only understand how much we've hurt someone when we can't walk without a cane. Ever see a guy in his 40's with a cane? He should have kept it in his pants.



**************************************************************
ADVICE OVER ADVICE OVER ADVICE OVER ADVICE OVER OVER



If you skipped that last bit, you didn't miss much. Mostly, how to cover your ass.

Now, one last bit of advice I want you to hear, so read this part:

Love is a Great thing. Notice the capital "G". Love defines our self-image, too. If you still love Joe, REALLY LOVE HIM, forgive him. Even if you divorce his cheating ass, forgive him. In fact, ESPECIALLY if you divorce. Even if he tells you that he never loved you and this other whore is the one true thing in his life, you must forgive him if you really love him. Believe me in that you will NEVER be able to truly trust anybody else fully unless you do this. Make sure he hears the words. If you REALLY REALLY TRULY love the man you married, you MUST forgive him. It is for YOU, not for him. If you don't really love him, then you can tie up all this shit in a box and burn it at a stake, dancing around it naked until it loses all its power.

It doesn't mean you need to take his lying cheating good-for-nothing ass back. Really. In fact, if you DO divorce him, he'll HATE that you forgave him. I hope you get that. This whole situation is about YOU. Embrace that idea. It is your life, HE fucked up, not you. Don't question yourself. HE fucked up. It is soooo important that you live that.

YOU are in charge of this shit.


Again, call if you need to vent. I really will listen.


Stay strong, sister.