Catch-Up

So, I haven't written on the blug in awhile.  Not because I've been lazy, I've just discovered Facebook, and have otherwise been addicted to it for awhile.

Also, I was out of town for awhile visiting my Grandfather in the next state over.  I stayed down there for four days.   In his empty house.  It was so quiet.   See, Grampa had a stroke three weeks ago, and he's pretty fucked up.  His entire right side is paralyzed, and he can't speak, not from the paralysis, but because his brain is fucked up.  The paralyzation is a result of the stroke, not where all the damage was actually done.

The frustrating thing is his mind is all there.  The thinking part of his brain is just as razor sharp as it's always been, but he can't form words very much anymore.  It's not like he can't talk, he gets lots of noises, and one word answers, and when he gets emotional (using the right side of his brain, the creative one) he can spit out a whole crystal clear sentence.    And, he's wearing diapers, and can't walk or get out of bed without the aid of this fucked-up lift-thing that the nurses tie him up in and pick him out of bed.  He wets himself nearly every time they use it.  It puts pressure on his bladder, and well, he's all paralyzed, so he sits in the dining room every day trying desperately to get his food in his mouth with his left hand (FYI he's right handed) spilling every other bite down his shirt, while sitting in his own urine.

So here's the kicker...ready for it?

He's in a good mood.   I couldn't fucking believe it.  I mean, maybe he just likes the attention, but to be honest, he was in a good mood the whole time I was there.  Either that, or he was "putting on a toughguy exterior" while I was there.  But, he's really not that type of guy.  I think he's too practical for that.    So, he's just taking this in stride with all the other crap he's had to deal with in his life.  Given his circumstances, I'd be ready to hurl myself on my dinner fork. And, believe it or not, he's not being given any drugs for depression or anxiety!

What a tough motherfucker.  Really.

He's just doing his thing, not bitching, he's working hard at PT, and not whining, just a little frustrated when he wants to tell you a story or a comment about something, and just can't get it out.

The way it was explained to me (and I thought this explanation worth noting here), was:  "Picture a puzzle, all completed.  Now, what if somebody came along and took a whole bunch of pieces.   Now, that's ok, 'cause you've got a whole box of replacement pieces you can use to fill those spaces back in, but, unfortunately the box they're in is the size of a footlocker, and they're intermixed randomly with 20 or 30 non-related puzzles."  What they're HOPING for with his brain, is that that box of puzzle pieces has a hole in the bottom, and all the extra puzzles will eventually spill out, leaving only pieces that are appropriate to the puzzle that is Grampa's brain.  And, that is NOT easy.  Some of his puzzle pieces will be lost forever.

So, I'm pretty bummed about this.   I am SOOOOOOOO glad I got to know the man before this all happened.  I came down a couple of times in the last year and spend a great deal of time talking with him on the phone.  See, I didn't grow up anywhere near him.  I never got to know him, really.  I only met him a few times before I took it upon myself to be a part of his life.

So, my Uncle "Bob" is being aided by a few local folks to make sure Grampa gets everything he needs and all his money is being taken care of, his paperwork, etc.  I am thankful for this, as "Bob" is not really in a position where he can really do anything.  Bob's a .....  well, he's a "dim bulb".  I say that with a great deal of respect for my Uncle.  He's always been....well...not exactly slow...but... in reality (Bob was adopted) he may have a life-long struggle with fetal-alcohol syndrome going on.  That's what I think, anyway.   He's just a big guy with a big heart and a big penchant for being emotional about everything, he isn't an angry guy and tries as hard as he can to challenge himself, but he just comes off like a dummy at every turn.  

I worry about him.  He is a very nice fellow who just can't seem to catch a break.  He has a quiet desperation that follows him like stink.

I was gonna write more about some of the crap that went down while I was there, but in conclusion I will simply list a few truisms that I learned while visiting.

1.  Some people just don't challenge themselves at all.   They are so content being stupid.

2. I never want to watch my Grandfather piss himself while being hoisted 5 feet in the air again.

3. From now on, when I want to cry, I'm going to.  Turns out, it really is okay for men to cry after all.

4. I will never ever ever ever ever ever try Meth.

5. I look damn good in cowboy boots.

6. It's okay to smile and say nothing when you're with somebody you love.

7. People should hold hands more.  I'm going to be proactive about it.  The next time I see Arya and Corwin, I'm gonna force them to sit, talk, and hold hands with me for twenty minutes, or so.  There is so much good energy in it.  It makes everybody feel the power love has.

8. Mexican is the new Black.

#9 and #10 are private, and they're just for me.  That's okay too.

One more thing: Life is so hard.  It really is.  And, sometimes, it gets so bad that it is only the habit of breathing that keeps you alive.  But, goddamn it, you're alive.  

The Smackdown!!!!!

So, I just came right to the blug for this.  I haven't even looked at another headline, or another web page since watching the FRIGGIN' AWSOME SMACKDOWN laid on McSame by the man with a plan, OBAMA!!!!

What the fuck was up with McCain referring to Obama as "that one".   Did anybody else catch a whiff of Grampy's red neck???

Yeah, I know!!!

If nobody points that out but me, I will be a surprised monkey with a skin disorder.

I thought Grampy came off sounding confused, and just...well.....old.

Now, I will go and see how the rightnicks play this off.  

SMACKDOWN!!!!! 

Do Your Doody

Jury duty today. This is almost one year to the day of my last jury duty. Though, this time, I am doing the duty in a lower court. More misdemeanors, I guess. Last time I got booted from a jury trying a man who stabbed a homeless woman in the throat. I was not picked after a short diatribe, on my part, about perception and how it is linked to identity and why our precoceptions of matters cannot help but be jaded by our own personal history. It was a fancy way of saying "I can spot a guilty man a mile away, and I know what I know."  It went well. I was the second guy booted after the first fella whose wife sat on the state surpreme court. Ha. They didn't want me. I didn't fit into their program.

I often think of my buddy's rant about the justice system when doing court-related stuff. My buddy says that "everybody's innocent". The reason for this is because our justice system is inherently flawed, and there is no such thing as a fair trial. So, as a default, everybody HAS to be innocent because the system is working against them. Interesting theory. I don't know if he's right, but it sure seems as if you have enough money or power, you don't have to live by the same rules as everybody else. I mean, look at Karl Rove, and how he thumbed his nose at a congressional subpoena.

Maybe my buddy is right. I sure know that I'd never be able to afford a lawyer. I'd have to have help if I was ever accused of anything that required a lawyer. I'd have to ask my family for money. And, depending on the charge, I may not get it. Hell, I'd probably already be guilty in their eyes. Maybe I would be, depending on the charge.

I wonder when the last time McCain served on a jury was. Does he get summoned, or are senators immune to serving. I sure know they never make it out of the pool. No lawyer in his right mind would put a senator in the box. I sure wouldn't. Too much drama.

Can you imagine being sequestered with Palin for a week? I'm sure she would insist on being the jury's foreman. You betcha!

Well, the 2nd presidential debate is tonight, and everybody's all a-twitter with anticipation. It's like survivor, but it's real. We should make them eat rats. I know McCain could eat a rat. Hell, he probably has. Maybe he still does. Maybe he chases them around on all fours, cornering them and playing with them for awhile, crippling them before he kills. mmm.....rat.

I hope Obama has the good sense not to drop a planned "zinger" tonight. He's not been ripe with them, though that doesn't mean he's not been rehearsing. I think if he manages to thwart McSame with facts, he'll be much better off. Grampy, on the other hand, will be gushing with tirades tonight. I'm sure he's been sharpening his barbed responses all week. When do you suppose he had time to do it without postponing his campaign again?

So, my prediction: McCain will be a complete ass tonight and say a bunch of defamatory stuff rooted in fantasy, and offer no real solutions for any of America's problems. Obama will try, in vain, to stick to the problems at hand, and try not to look agitated at McCain's oncoming tirade of falsities. McCain, again, will be considered the winner before the debate takes place by every right-leaning medial outlet in the country.

If you are playing at home, every time he says "mavrick" you have to drink.

Except me. Every time he says "mavrick" a part of me wants to throw up. Kinda the opposite effect.

I Want to be Wrong

Is anybody else scared?

Most of the time, I'm ready to put on my aluminum foil hat at the drop of, well, a hat.

But I've been listening to the radio and the people that talk inside it.  Today I heard lots of words like, "tragedy" and "takeover".   I heard one man call another a killer.  Right there on the radio.  What the hell is happening?  I wonder if I'm the only one paying attention sometimes.   Like I'm the only one who is managing to shovel through the ocean of media miscomprehension to see what's really going on.  Jesus, I want to be wrong.  Maybe I'm just paranoid.

Paranoids say stuff like that, right?

I discovered more money in my bank account today than I thought I should of had.   I didn't know where the deposit had come from.  I had to check my account to be sure that I didn't forget about something.  Something that will cost me another $50 that I don't have because I didn't park correctly, somewhere.   When I realized it was money I'd just "forgotten" about, it was like finding money in a coat pocket.  Or birthday money.  I actually jumped for joy.

I really feel like there are good people to hate in this world, but I'm not really sure how to do it.  Though I sure try hard enough.  It's like how you sometimes think you need to be "harder", but you taught yourself how to feel pain, somewhere.  Now you can't hate anybody.  Only their ideas.   Mindgames for fun and profit.

What the hell will happen when the lights start going off?  When rolling blackouts stop being a curiosity, and start being dangerous.   When the sirens are on just to warn people, and not to help them anymore.  When your phone is dead.

What the hell will happen when people stop showering?  When their television is nothing more than an oddly shaped heavy box in the living room.   When girls start thinking about marriage again when they're 14.  What the hell are we gonna do?

Shit, I don't know if I've ever actually been truly hungry.  What happens when the fever takes over and the diarrhea won't stop?  When it changes color.  When birds stop singing and winds blow.  I have to remind myself that I know how to fish.  You can live on fish.  Ask anybody.

What is it going to be like when the midwestern cold becomes to dangerous?  When you go outside, and it bites you.  When the wolves howl, and the men talk in whispers and drink.  When the smell of your woman is on them.

When we're always too tired to think.

What are we going to do?

Boom Goes the Dynamite

Two hours on the phone today with unemployment to tell me nothing.  The bastards sent me a letter requiring me to do all of my new job contacts "in-person".  This is confusing because they also told me I have to start searching for work "outside of my geographical location".  This sounded strange to me, but, for some godforsaken reason, the monkeys down at unemployment couldn't explain the contradiction to me.  I guess this means I am now going to have to leave Seattle on a crazy cross-country roadtrip seeking work along the way.

Maybe that's not such a bad idea.  I'd like to take a trip.  I need to go down and see my Grandfater.  I could look for work in his town.  Though, I don't know if I'd ever actually take a job there.  His town is not exactly small, but it's filled with small-town people, if you get my drift.  If you don't, its because what I'm really trying to say is that his town is filled with ignorant redneck mouthbreathers who cling to their religion and guns.  Really.

Speaking of mouthbreathers, Sarah Palin's big VP debate/debut is tonight.  I thought of blugging during the debate, but I would have a hard time paying attention.  I'll probably mention something in passing later in the week.  What a tool that bitch is.  She's even more of an open sore on the Republican party that Dick Cheney is.  (There's a joke there about Dick and open sores, but I can't put it together right now.)

Sarah should do alright as long as she keeps her mouth shut and stays on topic.  Gwen Ifill is a pretty AWESOME lady (I was hoping she would take over Tim Russert's job.  She still might), and I hope she puts the screws to 'ol Sarah.  I'd love to see her get all "In what respect Charlie?" nasty and bitchy with Gwen and then Gwen would hand her the smackdown.  That would be great.  Gwen Ifill could totally take that moosehunting slag.

My prediction?  Realistically, they both are going to stay on topic as much as possible.  They will both keep their answers short and sweet, and stick to their talking points.  At some point, Sarah will not answer a question directly, and Gwen will call her on it, demanding "specifics".  And Sarah will change the subject in her answer.  Sarah will also be demeaning towards Obama, and bring up OLD talking points that everybody knows are horse-shit.  At the end, folks will say that they were "amazed at Sarah".  They will say this because it's the first time they have ever seen her speak in a debate format, and it's new.  Keep in mind Sarah (and Joe for that matter) have been rehearsing this debate for quite a while, and are both on game.  So, if Sarah manages to limp through the debate unscathed, she will be labled "a winner" by the republicans.  Even though, every instant-poll will claim Joe was the winner.  The same thing that they did during the last presidential debate.

After the last prez debate, I went online only seconds after the final words were broadcast, and a few righty newspapers across the country had already declared McCain the winner.  It was pathetic.  They had posted their comments before the damn debate was even over.  What the fuck?  So, if you want to know who won, just watch the fucking debate and decide for yourself.

Man I hope Gwen just smacks Sarah upside the head.  Boom! Goes the dynamite!