I like birthdays. I get to be a complete prick all day, and smug as hell, and nobody can do anything about it, without appearing like a complete pain in the ass.
This evening, my wife told me that she would be buying me a SKYDIVING session next week. So, I have all of this week to chicken out. But I won't. I've wanted to skydive for years. However, I would only do it "tandem" as I'm afraid that I would freak out and freeze and not pull the string. Or, for that matter, just "forget" to do it and people would wonder if my chute failed, or I just committed suicide in a BIG way.
Personally, if I ever decide to commit suicide it will be dramatic. I'm thinking bears. If you get mauled and killed and perhaps partially eaten by a wild bear, people respect you. Even if you were a complete jerkoff during your life, folks would be like, "He was kind of an ass, but did you hear he got devoured by a BEAR?" Everybody respects bears.
If I was a bear, I would live near a fire service road, and when folks came around a bend, I would stand up and ROUULLLLLLOOOO at them. I wonder if I could get them to run their car off the road, and down a mountain. I would be like a killer bear. It's the perfect crime. No actual contact with the deceased, just a few tracks in the road. Guys who drive on fire service roads are usually drunk anyway. People would just write it off as drunk driving. Even if somebody did link me to the accident, I'M A FRICKING BEAR, FOR GODDSAKE! What are they gonna do?
Where was I....
OH, yeah, jumping out of planes.
So, I think it will be as scary as shit jumping out of a plane on another guy's back. Kind of daring and kind of gay at the same time. It's sad that something as potentially important to my psyche as jumping out of a plane needs to be marred my me worrying about my manhood.
Shit, if the dude gets me safely to the ground, I will probably kiss him right on the mouth.
I won't even care if he's my type.
It would be cool to go skydiving with a bear.
ROUUUULLLLOOOOO!!!!
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